“Judgement versus joy”
I want to experience more joy in my life.
However, I have some kind of internal mechanism that exists solely to get between me and joy or at the very least to put the brakes on joy.
I want to understand myself better because I want to live free and joyful. My miserable part is obsessed by my supposed failings and the imperfection of life in general.
I've got some examples for you.
The photo for this blog post was taken by me in a spontaneous expression of joy. Right now our apple tree is smothered in blossom, as is the crab apple tree. Every morning I take a few moments at the bedroom window to drink in their beauty and to notice subtle changes that have occurred since the previous day. Sometimes this appreciation prompts me to go into the garden later in the day for a closer look. The day I took this photo my intention was to capture the blossom in bud with its rich pinkness and the glossy green leaves.
Only when I pointed my phone at the tree did I notice the ladybird on the leaf. This was a moment of glorious joy. Such a simple thing. Some apple blossom, petals not yet fully unfurled, and a ladybird resting close by on the leaf. This was perfection.
If I'm not careful that part of my mind that I mentioned earlier might chip in to tell me that I have only photographed apple blossom and a ladybird - what is so special about that?